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Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Make your first night memorable

Most couples nurse nervous speculations and deep seated performance anxiety about their first night of closeness. Hearsay from newly wed friends or common beliefs picked up from random sources add to the sexual tension. Knowing the exact way to get it right is an arduous task and if gone wrong, you may end up facing a catastrophic situation in your bedroom with your first nuptial boo-boos.

We spoke to some couples to know the common blunders they made (inadvertently) on their first night. Of course, it wasn't just about 'sex' on the first night, as there were numerous other problems which could ruin the first night craze...

Boo-boo: A moment in haste and its all waste
Without much knowledge about sex, couples encountered awkward situations like premature ejaculation for men or women getting overtly apprehensive about vaginal pain and hymen bleeding. Fear is the biggest factor affecting performance on the first night.

Top Tip: Make the act more pleasurable
No person is a master sex performer, so indulge in a prolonged foreplay session to make your first night a tender bonding experience. Even if things go wrong, stay calm and try again after some time. Sometimes the wedding stress and the discomfort of an all new environment takes a mental toll. The body and mind may not be fully open for the experience of sexual discovery. Being patient is key.

Boo-boo: Experiments can wait
Agreed that it's your first time with your partner, but don't get overtly excited. Couples are all geared up to try new acts in bed, but first try and figure out your partner's comfort quotient.

Top Tip: Every night is a first night
Don't think that the first night is your 'one and only' chance to make love passionately, with time your bond will grow even more special with your better half. The first night is just the beginning of pleasures. Don't fret and waste it in performance anxiety!

Boo-boo: Look sexy in tradition
It's believed that a bride must remain in her wedding outfit and let the husband come and lift up the veil (‘ghoongat’). But modern day brides aren't too interested in donning the ostentatious outfit for too long and the minute they enter the bedroom; they prefer to undress into a sexy lingerie/night gown. Now, no matter how sensuous your night gown maybe, it doesn't have the same charm as a wedding ensemble. This fashion faux pas forms a lesser known, but common goof-up for brides.

Top Tip: Gifts Galore
As the husband lifts up the veil of the bride's wedding outfit, she's entitled to a surprise gift (for 'mooh dikhayee'). Rings, pendants, necklaces are passé; think of something out-of-the-blue, maybe a romantic honeymoon package, which she would be least expecting or a glamorous outfit, a transparent, hot dress, which you'd like her to get clad in just for your eyes.
Some might not agree here, but the following is a common occurrence. Your partner is not interested in too
much talking, especially on the first night. If you're the new bride, behave like one - blush a little to impart that 'just married' feel. Men should ideally stop narrating a long drawn thesis about their preferences. Being a chatterbox is no less than a slip-up!

Top Tip: Words say a lot more
Don't give each other marathon lessons on your likes and dislikes. Instead writing a romantic letter and keeping it tucked away under the pillow can be a sweet initiating gesture. Open up and talk about your secrets and hidden desires!

Boo-boo: Stop acting as strangers, you're married
We aren't saying shed all inhibitions and get going for a wild act in bed, but at least initiate the process of getting to know each other. Couples often refrain from talking to each other normally on the first night, presuming it's just meant for 'sex!'

Top Tip: Know each other
Start an interesting conversation to break the ice. Share moments you enjoyed on your wedding day and build the comfort level.

Boo-boo: Let the ambiance do the talking
The D-day tiredness is evidently there, but some couples, especially brides, tend to go overboard with the stress factor. This surely is a big turn-off for the other half, as he sees you either sleeping already or all prepared to slip between the sheets without any foreplay act. Just because you're tired!

Top Tip: Ambience unlimited
It's your first night, so your bed may as well resemble a full bloom garden in spring. Decorate it in a way that it sets the mood right for a romantic nighttime ahead. Create a heady ambience with aromatic oils, fragrant flowers, scented bed sheets and sensual music. It will heal your tired souls. Also try a relaxing foot massage to pamper each other. It will set the stage for the real act.

Boo-boo: Forget friends, it's your time to enjoy each other
As per tradition, the bride has to give her young in-laws a bribe to move out of the way before she enters the bedroom. Unfortunately, some in their new 'bahu' avatar tend to allow friends and relatives to come in and sit for hours to gossip, without even realising that the poor hubby is waiting to get spend some alone (private) moments. Grow up girls!

Top Tip: Twosome is the word
Friends and relatives are not going anywhere, stop indulging with them too much, especially on your first night. Concentrate on the man instead and make him feel special and not your in-laws.

The first night is special. Chase your future dreams rather than pining away for distant sexual goals.

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